Probably everything. At least, I'm assuming that's what the therapist is going to say when D shows up in a few years blaming mama for his pre-teen identity crisis. The truth is, not even I can figure out what to call my little Squirticus. Aiden just doesn't seem right to me, no matter how often I try to use it. Over the course of our first few days with Dinkeneh, I was deeply moved by the sound of his name on the nannies lips: the low "dee," the clicking "k" that almost drowned out the "n," the breathless questioning rise of the "ahnah." It was musical and magical, this name, delivered almost as if the speaker were calling for a lost child. And if the name itself were magical, then the response from Dinkeneh was even more so. The lighting up of the eyes, the half-smile playing on his lips, that delighted "You found me!" look. I fell in love with that look, and that first night I practiced his name over and over and over again, trying to get just the right tone, trying to manage that unfamiliar "k" sound without stumbling over the remainder. I remember lying in bed with Chris, each of us trying to perfect the other's pronunciation, both of us probably sounding utterly ridiculous. It was the verbal equivalent of doodling your crush's name all over your notebook, only this time with guttural "k"s and high-pitched squeaks in place of the normal hearts and flowers. What can I say?
We were in love.
In the past few weeks, we have been asked with increasing frequency what we are going to call our son. And the question is a reasonable one. After all, we've been home for over seven months, and we send mixed signals out on a regular basis. Just take a look at the remaining posts on this blog page. I'm sure you'll find us referring to D by at least three names, maybe four, by the end of it. Sure, a couple might be nicknames. But I still feel like we owe it to D to have (and consistently use) one "official" name for him. Should it be Dinkeneh? Maybe that's cruel, here in the States where it's difficult to pronounce and has no easy abbreviated version that we can come up with. We often call him "D" for short (my use of the letter "D" on the blog is obviously not to protect privacy). But what kid wants to write just one letter for his name? I'm sure his Kindergarten teacher would love us. Or we could revert to Aiden. Obviously, we like the name or we wouldn't have chosen it. And it is a name that we chose for him, something that, as his parents, we can add to his story. But at the end of the day,
it's just not Dinkeneh.